Women’s unwanted affair with anxiety
“I feel anxious.”
“I suffer from anxiety.”
Recently, I’ve noticed these statements arriving at my coaching practice like the morning newspaper. It got me thinking… At what point did we trade in our harmless flirtation with worry for the overbearing weight of anxiety?
I wonder whether most of us, myself included, understand what anxiety truly means. It sometimes feels as though we’ve allowed this unwanted visitor across the threshold of our consciousness without so much as an ID check. This isn’t to say our experiences of emotional distress are any less valid — just that it’s worth trying to reach firmer grounds of understanding before losing ourselves in that loaded label.
Growing up, “worry” was a word I heard at home time and time again. Like most people, I imagine it was the norm. Phrases like “I’m worried about X,” or “You’ll make yourself sick with worry!” and “Don’t worry so much,” were harmlessly bounced around by my family and I.
“Anxious” and “anxiety” simply weren’t staples in our vocabulary — but that seems to have changed. Is this a sign that we’re just more accepting of all things mental health? Or is our built-in resilience depleting more and more as our society modernises? I knew then, as I know now, that I’m a person who can bear the weight of worry. It’s a constant pursuit to come back to balance and, whilst I know I don’t have anxiety, I too have found myself knowingly toying with it on more than one occasion.
These are big questions I know, and I won’t promise to answer them here, but allow me to muse on a few points if you will… At what moment does a dalliance with day-to-day worry morph into the mental and physical ambush of uncontrollable panic?
What’s the difference between anxiety and worry?
We all regulate our emotions differently. Some of us engage in more rumination, while others find it easy to shrug off stress. Similarly, anxiety operates on a spectrum with worry at the lower end of the scale and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, PTSD and social anxiety closer to the top.
Since we live in a constant state of emotional flux, it’s fair to assume that we will move up and down that scale at various points in our lives. Sometimes we might get stuck in a state for longer than we’d have hoped, but it’s forever-changing depending on what’s happening inside or around us at each moment in time.
Stripping it back to its bare bones, worry is defined as short-term, topic-specific and comes with a mild dose of emotional distress. So, we can be worried but still function normally and get on with daily tasks. In fact, sometimes worry can become a bit of a superpower, driving us to become more orientated and focussed. Lastly, worry doesn’t cloud our sense of reality and tends to be something we can divulge verbally without much trouble.
Anxiety is a completely different kettle of fish. At its core, it’s defined as uncontrollable worry that’s long-term or chronic in nature (in this case, “long-term” translates to “at least six months”). When talking about anxiety, we move from mild emotional distress to something more severe which has the ability to impair your functionality. What’s more, your anxiety doesn’t need to be specific in nature, it can be more generalised and catastrophic.
Moreover, anxiety isn’t confined to the abstract perimeter of our mind, it manifests in our bodies too. Somatic symptoms of anxiety include restlessness, indigestion, dizziness, insomnia and loads more. If you experience three or more of these, congratulations! You just earned entry into the anxiety club.
Knowing this is all well and good but, as with most things, dictionary definitions don’t always give us the reassurance we need. Instead, you’re probably thinking through a flurry of new questions. “What does mild versus severe look like?” or “What if I have two physical symptoms but not three, does that mean I don’t have anxiety?” and “What degree of functional impairment warrants a trip to the doctors, my local health worker, psychologist or coach?”
Women and anxiety…
Did you know that anxiety disorders are twice as prevalent in women as they are in men? Working closely with women in my own coaching practice, I can testify to the spread of female panic — and that’s not the only nugget that piqued my interest…
The risk of general anxiety disorder significantly increases in women over the age of 25 who’ve had a previous marriage and are either a homemaker or unemployed
If you’re energetically sensitive (i.e. an empath) or hyper-aware , you’re likely to feel the impact of anxious energy to a greater extent.
Since the 2008 bank crash, the amount of women with anxiety has more than trebled in women aged 18 to 24 and doubled in those aged 25 to 34
Women, watch out! Anxiety clearly has a thing for the ladies and if we’re not mindful we may end up taking it home for more than just a playful one night stand.
I guess we should all be thankful that the numbers appear to get smaller and smaller as we age, but what about our daughters, nieces, grandchildren? What kind of world are we creating for the next generation of women? And to what extent is there a direct correlation between women feeling anxious and our adoption of masculine energy?
“Hang on, Amanda,” I hear you say, “I’m in full flow with my femininity.” That may be the case, but I would pose that the pressures placed on women regularly lead us from that path and into an anxiety-inducing minefield. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but many of us have bought into the patriarchy, opting to use traditionally masculine drives when navigating our world…
We prioritise speed rather than taking things slow and steady
Our curiosity and inner inquisitivity has been replaced by a desire for fact
We’re focusing on outcomes as opposed to the flow of the journey.
We desire titles and credentials over the joy of experience
Essence and heart has given way to structure and technique
If you identify as a woman, take joy in cultivating your feminine energy. Our nervous system, like much of our physical being, requires steadiness. It’s in the intuitive dance between masculine and feminine that we will once and for all find our freedom from overwhelm, overthinking and anxiety.
A final thought…
Whether we’re worried or anxious or somewhere between the two, one thing’s for certain. The more we as women are subjected or subject ourselves to other people’s vision — of how women should, look, feel, succeed and show-up — the bigger the trap. When we’re not being mindful of our own desires, dreams and authenticity, it’s easy for us to stumble into the clutches of anxious living.
But all is not lost. We are our own beacons and coming home to a place of self-love is almost always within our power. Anxiety can be remedied by accepting the flow of feelings as and when they show up and through the consistent rebalancing of our emotions in pursuit of a mindful return to self-love.